#so ig i yelled at him. nature is healing

[vzajemnik]

i need to find people who wont yell at me for making out with them. i miss yelling at people for making out with me thats my job youre taking my job away from me.

[luneariaa]

ღ || you are loved.

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : kento nanami x reader.

✰ 𝐰. 𝐜. : 1k+

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : the memories of the previous events that ever happened in your life disrupts your whole thoughts. being the amazing husband he is, he comforts you during one of your bad days.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : reader having a pretty rough childhood, nanami is your husband here, men in family have shown to be giving a bad influence but none too explicit, disturbed mindset, not much proof-read, and basically just family issues. plot going nowhere near the end ig lmao.

✰ 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 : as someone who also had a pretty rough childhood and a rather chaotic family, i just decided to write and post it out in order to feel some sort of relief thru this. i'm so sorry to those who can relate; sending lots of love and hugs for y'all!! i'm so proud of you guys for able to make it through this day! 💛🌻

. dividers by @/cafekitsune !! 💫

To others, your family might be seen as a happy one; having positive, peaceful maintaining relationships. But no one really knows for sure, on what truly happens within that place you called home itself.

What is the purpose of it all, if not to retain a healthy, loving relationship between family members? Each one should’ve practised themselves to strengthen their familial bonds with one another.

But instead, whatever you have wished for– it’s all for nothing.

Growing up in a rather chaotic household does leave your mind dazed at times. You would sometimes even find yourself to be so confused, and believed that most people couldn’t be trusted the way they are. And it’s not by your choice, sadly, you can't help it.

Especially men, in general. You would’ve loved to believe that it’s just some sort of a generational issue, but you don’t even know yourself anymore. 

As a result of all the chaos that’s been happening for all those possible years, you’ve grown to be a quite introverted person– reclused, even, not really fond of the idea of opening up to others. It’s so hard for you to do so, especially when it’s already one of your habits that you’ve been doing for so long.

Initially, you even feared the idea of marriage as well, believing that you won’t ever meet the love of your life at all; along with the thought of you not being good enough to be someone’s wife.

But that changed when Kento Nanami came into your life some years later. Although you’re still struggling with your own habits, whether good or bad ones, Nanami always tries his best to help you with whatever he can.

You don’t even remember how and why did you agreed with having a serious relationship with him. Perhaps, you’ve seen something in him– or even, on what he gave you, provided you something that you’ve been missing from in your life itself. 

Sure, you can be quite closed off at times, even when it’s unintentional, but he always and always will try to guide you with doing the actual, right thing. 

Nanami treats you with pure, utmost respect that comes off as so natural to him; never once yelling or using any harshness at you, especially with his own words. Even when you somehow are being stubborn or so right at that moment, he would always be patient with you, and even give you some space if you needed it. 

He’s so sweet and loving, mature, responsible.. The list just keeps going on and on. Heck, he even remembers every single detail that you may have told him, your favourites, your habits, and so on.

Nanami was never the one to rush into things. He takes his tender time with it, especially when it ever comes to you.

He would always speak directly and bluntly; not intending to sugarcoat his words in a way, yet his words never did hurt your feelings. There’s just something about his honesty that draws you in further. It leaves you confused sometimes– was it even the way he talks to you?

But just by his own presence, whether his way of speaking or his actions itself; something about it heals your inner self. It soothes your soul wonderfully, like a warm sunlight coming out from the clouds after the rain occurred. You feel safe and comfortable around him over time. 

The time being spent between the two of you is never lacking or dull– with both of your personalities, which are quite the opposite from one another, complements and balances out each other so, so well. And this is due to how you both work on your relationship together as well. 

Never once does it feel forced; the deep relationship bond between you both flows ever so gently like the river, and in order for the water to continue flowing without any disturbances, it needs the mere effort from you two.

Despite everything, there’s a part of you that feels so out of place. Perhaps, there’s a side that you believed to be unlovable, and that you’re just not enough. Of course, you wouldn’t even bother to tell him since you didn’t want to potentially burden him with your own problems. 

But it’s Nanami that you’re talking about– and he’s the type to notice every single change in your expression. He can always tell if something is causing your own mind to be restless.

“What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” Nanami’s soft tone broke your temporary state of trance, stepping inside within their shared bedroom and gradually approaching your form. You didn’t even realize that you’ve been standing and staring in front of the mirror for several passing moments now. 

The thoughts of self-doubt and questioning about your whole existence disappears in mere seconds. 

He gently wraps his strong arms around your unmoving form; resting his chin on your shoulder while gazing back straight at your own reflection in the mirror. A small smile appears upon your lips, and didn’t even make any attempt to remove himself from you since it feels so nice at the very moment.

“Nothing.”

His touch alone is enough to soothe your own possibly hurting soul– calming and any trace of hurriedness not in sight, yet your brief answer doesn’t really ease his worries. He knows.

“I know you, darling, I know that’s a lie. You’ve been staring at yourself for the past few minutes.” Nanami didn’t even try to hide his true emotions at this point, keeping his hold around you. He didn’t have to. “Is there anything bothering you? Please tell me, I’m here to listen.”

You’re completely aware that there’s no point in lying to your beloved, so with no choice, you decided to tell him all of your pent-up troubles.

“I just don’t feel special. It’s just one of those days, you know..”

Talking it out is always one of your biggest fears and struggles, and he understands on how hard it is for you to do it every time. Instead of forcing you to speak even further, he slowly turns you around, just to give you a proper embrace. 

One that you really, really needed.

“Sometimes–” your words came out more choked out if anything due to the tears you’ve been holding back. “--I wondered what made you choose me as your wife. I’m nothing more special than just a damaged person who needs to heal and move on. But it’s hard.”

“I’m beyond happy with it, truly I do. It’s just that.. My unwanted thoughts could get in the way at times, and I just feel so troubled with myself in general. I don’t feel I deserve someone like you, and you deserve someone far more better.”

“I’m just so grateful for having you in my life– I truly do. You healed something in me, you really did. I’m just worried that whatever I do will never be enough.”

Nanami falls silent at first, which makes you worried for a while there, afraid that you might overstep with your own words of admittance. His mind is racing for a second there, contemplating each word of truth that he has to tell you.

“Darling, I chose you; I chose you out of everyone else because I wanted to.” He still couldn’t understand as much as how you could see yourself in that way. Nanami is never mad, but deep down, he’s genuinely sad at how you view yourself.

Nanami gently uses one of his hands to lift your chin up, completely making sure that you return the gaze that he’s currently giving you. “I don’t care what anyone says. You are everything that I ever wished for, and your little imperfections are what made you so perfect to me.”

“And I never intend to pick anyone else in a crowd of people– I will always choose you. If anyone ever tells you or me that you’re not special, then they’re wrong. I will prove them otherwise, I promise you.”

His gaze never once faltered from yours, wanting to make sure that you’re listening and focusing on every word he says. Your eyes alone have an effect on him, simply captivating in every sense.

It did have an effect on you– feeling yourself getting on the brink of tears, yet still trying your hardest to not have a mental breakdown in front of your beloved. Not yet.

You keep repeating, and repeating on each word that he says internally. His honest yet sweet statement has left you in a tongue-tied state. You are still not used to it sometimes, even forgetting that this man ahead of you clearly loves you dearly and possibly more than himself.

Your husband took quick notice of this, and simply held your form closer to his. The least he could do is to provide some needed comfort, and how he very much wished that he’s able to get rid of any trace of sadness that existed within you.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you..”

His voice is so soft, not once hinting any irritation whatsoever as he comforts you. You really cherish him, more than words could ever describe– even wishing that you’re able to repay his efforts.

Nanami will always guide you back, and slowly try to make you drift away from any traces of negativity that you’re facing. Of course, it’s not easy, but he’s willing to try it together with you.

Always so gentle and protective in his own way; it wouldn’t matter on how old you both are getting. The love he has for you shall remain and live on as long as he’s breathing, and he will always shield you from any potential harm from the world itself.

“Even beyond the flaws that you believed to have possessed, you are still worth everything that this world has to offer. Those little flaws are what made you, you.”

He keeps on telling you the words that he always wanted to tell you; one that is filled with complete honesty and love within it. To simply remind you on how much your existence meant to him, and it successfully pushed your emotions further to the edge– unable to contain your tears any longer.

Yet still, he continues on with his own words– all the while placing several feathery kisses onto each part of your face that he could reach. The feeling itself is quite overwhelming, yet comfortingly so, knowing that you are truly being loved by someone special. 

The past that you have endured may stay with you for as long as you live, but Nanami is willing to help; willing to create a better future instead for the both of you. For your mere sake.

“I will always love you; every single inch of you, and even your flaws. I will make sure of it– always reminding you of that.”

@luneariaa. do not repost; reblogs are alright. all rights reserved.

[wolvertooth]

share your silly billy headcanons

fuckkk i gotta think of some silly ones….

ok these arent all silly but. perhaps a bit billy.

Random Logan Headcanons;

i think logans got a real sweet tooth. but also just poor eating habits in general. like he’ll just eat tubs of icecream and call it dinner. its not really much of a headcanon ig, since its shown a couple times in canon….

ig a headcanon related to that would be that he has no fucking clue how to shop for groceries, mainly just eating whatevers around the xmansion or going to the gas station/corner store for snacks. if he went to an actual grocery store i feel like he’d get easily overwhelmed, overthink it, and get paranoid about people judging him(grocery shopping is peak Normal human behaviour and the standards are EXTREMELY HIGH). he also just hates shopping in general.

for a lot of things in his life he tends to settle for just surviving, not really having much care for the quality of his living conditions, just as long as theres somewhere to sleep n things to eat n alcohol to drink.

logan makes more animal noises when hes around his friends, and even more when hes alone. theyre basically vocal stims.

he talks/monologues to himself a lot. used to a lot more, but now its mostly when hes alone.

despite all the talk of needing to be more Man than Animal, he actually likes showing of his mutant abilities. like hes always up to arm wrestle, race someone, or do a cool trick with his claws. he’ll show off his healing factor too, ignoring the pain for pleasure of just getting a reaction out of someone, especially if hes doing a bit.

watches sports just to have some stimulation for his brain. he doesnt really have an interest in sports, but has picked up some context over just from watching it for so long that he knows the basics of whats going on. mostly comes in handy so he can have an excuse to yell at something. but honestly he’d probably even yell at a cooking show.

sleeps nude, mainly just a texture problem. he can sleep in terrible conditions when out on missions and stuff, but when at home he tries to have it as comfortable as possible.

reads a lot of books(again, as a way of keeping his brain stimulated) and leans towards more slice of life ones, as well as romance.

chews on his dogtags.

Random Victor Headcanons;

also makes animal noises as a vocal stim, but a lot of them are more involuntary. his meowing is also really high pitch compared to his regular speaking voice.

listens to music to keep his brain stimulated. loud stuff. he also gets some noise cancelling headphones at somepoint, and likes that they just look like regular headphones.

flicks his nails together as a stim.

a harmful stim he has is scratching himself, like long lines across anywhere on his skin.

he kept one of logans button up shirts after a fight one time, a super long time ago, and uses it as something to snuggle for comfort when he sleeps. side effect from this is that sometimes when fighting, logans scent will make him sleepy….

likes trench coats that have a fuck ton of pockets. he likes to be prepared, but also refuses to buy a handbag, so hes got all kinds of weird stuff in his pockets.

watches a lotttttt of tv. and movies. hes kind of a cinephile.

the reason his hair is so perfect all the time is that the healing factor applies to stuff like hair and nails as well. unlike logan(who uses a bunch of hair product daily) victor keeps his natural. he rarely even needs to brush it. he took to putting it up in a ponytail for when he needs to look more professional, since normally its fairly big and fluffy. he’ll sometimes put it up in a high ponytail or bun too, and occasionally add accessories n braids to it.

prefers hot showers/baths. also hangs out in his hot tub a lot. makes him feel clean.

huge wardrobe, all kinds of outfits. he tends to keep a lot of his clothes from over the decades, even if he doesnt wear them anymore.

[latenightsleeper]

On the other side

Summary/idea: Tank in a relationship, more specifically MY Tank in a relationship..with you??? A bit of a character study on them ig

Warning(s): references to childhood trauma, past abuse, self-harm, depression, death, unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms—this is Tank guys it’s sadly a warning in itself

Characters: Tank/Darlin

-Let’s get something straight(the only thing straight about this tbh) you knew Tank before y’all dated, just how it goes

-another thing, Christian will be apart of your life too, no matter how you feel about the guy. He’s tanks rock and their his, can’t have one without the other

-Tank would always take a relationship slow, baby steps and very small moments of vulnerability in a way they’d find comfortable

-considering that you’re seeing Tank means that you have some measure of patience, or a masochist, either works fine. You’ll need either for Tank

-getting to know Tank is like pulling teeth, actually more like trying to get your patient down to get at their teeth but you have to fight them to do that. It is a long, drawn out, painful process full of fuck ups and wrong turns.

- if you manage to chip away at Tanks walls? Pass their internal tests on you and well..it’s something, there’s no overnight change, no sudden clarity of why Tank acts the way he does

-Tank is a extremely reserved person, very secretive and holds back from engaging in conversations for multiple reasons and purposes

-most of it stemming from not being talked to enough as a child and then young teen when they moved, not a lot of people cared to talk to them and bc of that, they don’t share anything about themselves

-Still, hang around Tank and you’ll learn lots about them from simply existing near them, watching him

-Tank speaks with actions better than words, the words get all jumbled and wrong when they wanna talk so he just shows you with their actions

-Tank doesn’t actually hold things in his hands if they can help it, makes him nervous especially if what their holding is delicate in nature

-when they do however, it’s always obvious to whoever looks close enough that Tank is holding whatever he’s holding with great care. Always soft hands with this one

-speaking of hands, when you hold hands with Tank for the first time it’s very..gentle, very soft and careful. Tanks hands aren’t the smallest but their very fine ig, surprisingly slender and elegant fingers.

-depending on if their wearing gloves you can feel the calluses and scars, maybe feel how one finger still stutters due to a bad healing job from a while ago

-Warm, soft hands Tank has, very gentle when holding someone else’s since they don’t engage in physical contact like this normally.

-rubs your knuckles with their thumb or soft squeezes

-this probably goes without saying but Tank struggles with their mental health, this of course affects their relationships both romantic and platonic

-Tank will ghost you, on purpose and on accident. No if or buts, he WILL do it, sorry man :/

-Tank also has anger issues but not in the stereotypical breaking glass and yelling—no no no

-They hold their anger inside of them, a tight and careful grip on that ball of rage in them. Tank very rarely would lash out and very rarely would that be physical, he may not talk much but when they do and when Tank is angry? Makes you wish he’d just punch you honestly

-Tank normally leaves when they feel like they could hurt someone or they feel that careful control they have on themselves slip a little.

-hence the ghosting

-he will leave for hours, never saying anything about what they did during those hours (sometimes even days) but they do return

-they normally apologize

-if you ask about their childhood they won’t say much, very clinical about it, no feelings attached to it

-Tank would say “ it was a life I lived..it could have been a lot worse so I’m…grateful..for what I got.. “

-they also have RSD or Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, any form of rejection—made up in their head or not is damaging

-one of the reasons he’s so distant honesty, their life has been one rejection after another

-he has many many scars, tank doesn’t care about them but knows they can make others..dicey

-many of them were infected on them but some were..done by their own hands

-anyway, have I ever mentioned how Tank loves to cook? Bc they do, greatly but they don’t get to cook a lot

-so if you get close enough, expect lots of homemade food containers for you

-is actually a good grill master, they learned a lot from their father and uncles when they had em

-is actually very proud to be apart of the Shaw pack

-despite receiving very little physical affection, when you get close enough Tank is very touchy

-pinky linked, a hand on your back or shoulder or even waist if you’re comfortable with that. It’s not the most showy but they find it comfortable

-also expect Tank to try and hide behind you at least twice

-they will and could do your hair if you ask nicely, would honestly spend hours just brushing your hair or styling

-Tank is quiet quick witted and snarky, they just so happen to mumble and talk quietly where no one hears anything

-speaking of voice; it’s a low and raspy voice, not unpleasantly so, monotone normally unless you really get Tank going then there’s a lot of character

-Tank wouldn’t actually introduce themselves by their name, using their nickname ‘ Tank ‘ normally

-they’d let you borrow clothes-just not the leather jacket

-they live in oversized clothes, the only thing that fits them well would be their boots and gloves so there’s something for you even if you’re taller than them

-if you managed to crash at their place and you can’t sleep, if you ask really nicely and say you’ll buy them a chocolate muffin, they will play the violin for you

-sadly they don’t like playing as much as they used to due to the injuries on their hands making them shake sometimes and messing up their playing

-for some reason, most animals love Tank. Call em a Disney princess or something

[landoffreaksandfrogs]

Anonymous Bloodswap Headcanons, parts 1 through 3. I am not the source, all ideas presented are from an anonymous user.

the best thing about being a creative is that you can inspire others, and im so so happy that someone wanted to share such a great interpretation of my bloodswap. it has so much great stuff going on that i can really appreciate, so if anon ever sees this, PLEASE keep writing!! you obviously have a lot of talent. :]

transcript under the cut

okay so terezi is like. Raised in the courts, she’s always playing around online “judging” people’s crimes. This is how she comes across the others — she meets vriska first, talking about the annoying things highbloods do, and decides she likes this girl, takes pity on her, meets her friends, proper scourge sisters courtship and all such shit

vriska really loves to flarp. her favorite thing is to flarp pirates with eridan and kanaya (although eridan always makes her do the dirty job of killing the trolls they round up while kanaya takes their lusii for tz, so vriska mildly resents him for it ig? eridan doesn’t notice, just figures that vriska’s doing what she’s naturally meant to do — become more powerful so that maybe one day she’ll be able to be in his presence not as a flarper but as a hatefriend. yes he’s still racist in my head.)

sollux and aradia are in a cave system one day when they hear the sounds of some trolls running. sollux, lil guy that he is, gets involved, while aradia stays for backup but doesn’t really want to deal with this. sollux finds eridan and vriska hunting down the two trolls. he challenges eridan to a duel, dismissing vriska. vriska is. rightfully pissed and retreats (terezi will hear about this). eridan loses the duel — he didn’t know that his powers wouldn’t work to their full extent on sollux and sollux therefore has time to take him out. eridan’s never been a very physical fighter, always relying on vriska to do the dirty jobs for him or on his mind powers to take people out so he didn’t know how to deal with this.

eridan is lost broken he just lost to a dirty little hemonymous upstart who somehow evaded his powers? shit’s getting real man idk. anyway he looks into who sollux is, finds out who his friends are — and oh, fuck, he’s red courting fef. eridan is fucking livid at this. but fef manages to calm him down for now. keyword.

anyway in the meantime karkat is having fun exploring his caves and figuring out his ancestral legacy when he discovers this weird one with his sign on it, only it’s not only his sign its also nepeta’s sign and sollux’s sign?? he looks into it. there’s a statue of what looks like an older version of sollux, sweeping a hand out dramatically over the empty cave. karkat’s ancestor is behind him, hand on S.A (sollux’s ancestor’s) shoulder. N.A is sitting at his feet, grinning devilishly, eyes glowing and air sparking around her as her hair floats wildly in the air. intrigued karkat spends some long weeks fucking around in there until he discovers his ancestor’s diary. he reads through it, uploads it to goregle storage and sends it to sollux and nepeta. 

nepeta when she gets this is absolutely fucking enraged. what the fuck, karkat. you dont just share anti empire shit like this on goregle! youre not part of the fucking warthunder fandom for heavens sake! anyway she gets mad at him, kind of ends up blowing some shit up with her psionics (she always had too much power and not enough control) and starts a fire in her hivestem. this takes so long to put out and is during the day. at least six people die, and nepeta suffers severe third degree burns both from the fire and from running out of the burning building into the sun. sollux finds out, yells at karkat, they’re not friends for the next few sweeps. anyway karkat, trying to make amends, takes nepeta into his cave system, where they spend the next couple of sweeps until sgrub charting ships and talking romance and ancestral legacy and healing their friendship. theyve got a really fuckin cute pale thing going on by the time they enter sgrub. 

gamzee gets wind of what nepeta did. he of course has no idea what karkat did. so he starts cyberstalking nepeta, carefully gathering evidence on his murderer friend. she notices but decides not to say anything — he’s a teal, she can’t challenge him. aradia might like her but aradia’s also stoned most of the time on weird highblood weed so she’s not sure how well the trial would go. anyway gamzee collects this evidence, and, once he’s got enough (or, thinks he does), he sends it to aradia. 

aradia finds this amusing, that he would put so much time into a seemingly petty grudge against a lowblood 

“what kinda crush you got on her, gam”

he takes offense, arguing that she murdered five people and commited arson! she obviously isn’t right in the head, should be culled or at the very least punished and put in her place! aradia takes this moment to point out that she’s a fucking clown. she doesn’t care if someone kills another person. as long as there’s not a political motive, she isn’t there for it. gamzee resignedly leaves it alone. 

however! then we’ve got aradia and tavros discussing this stuff. tavros ends up spilling the beans to terezi. he’s always liked nepeta, found her super awesome but like shit if he’s going to lie to the heiress

terezi ponders it for a while, lets it sit. 

before you know it they’re all six sweeps old. the game starts. shenanigans ensue. 

not going to go into this stuff but: 

vriska and terezi break up, leaving terezi mentally fragile and vriska mentally and socially vulnerable

karkat and nepeta also break up when nepeta starts pitch courting gamzee (karkat cant deal with it because he doesn’t understand why and everything is changing and nep can’t keep up w him and and and and . teenager stuff.)

erinepquius moirails maybe? 

eridan definitely figures out their gender sometime during this, thanks to kanaya (they’re in some sort of quasi-romantic relationship — not quadranted but not entirely platonic)

gamzee keeps a close eye on nep. whenever she starts to get angry, he records it. whenever she steps out of line, he’s onto her.

terezi keeps a close eye on the records gamzee keeps. she doesn’t approve of this — of what he’s doing — but nep might be dangerous,. she’s constantly fighting with herself and the otehrs, and keeping them off balance. 

karkat fucks up the frog because he’s so on edge, so paranoid. terezi’s affecting everyone, and it doesn’t help that he doesn’t have a moirail anymore. 

they finish their game, but then bec noir comes and yeets it. 

escape to the meteor. 

ill finish these tomorrow lmao

[bengiyo]

The Warp Effect Ep 10 Stray Thoughts

With GMMTV dominating my watch calendar, it's actually becoming a bit difficult to recall everything that happened in a previous episode.

Last time, we tackled sexual health with Jedi and Rose, who had to contend with an HPV flare up in their open relationship. Over the course of the episode we questioned the nature of fidelity and safety, and learned that they likely were infected over ten years ago from other partners as the two revealed that they actually don't want their relationship to be open. Meanwhile, Nim discussed keeping the baby with Army, and also reconciled her relationship with Mollie. Elsewhere, Kim recognized that she didn't want to keep the baby at this time, and Ice spent the episode coming to terms with that and supporting his partner. Kat is back in the saddle, but Tony is a gentleman and is waiting for Jean. Alex and Jean may be on the path to speaking again.

As always, so much happens in this show.

Real shit, I want to see Jean's movie.

I don't have anything against Tony based on what we've seen, but I feel like it's a bad look for the lead to be involved with the director when they're advertising the chemistry between the leads?

I'm glad we're bringing See-ew back.

Ah, right. Liu has a handsy boss. I get her coworker choosing to accept it, but he should not be touching Liu like that and demanding she interact with him on IG.

I was lulled into a mild complacency, and now we're back to the sports homophobia plotline with Joe.

New is quite vascular.

I was not expecting Alex to just go into Liu's workplace and start a fight with her boss. What is he going to do if she gets fired as retribution?

And now we're storming back in with boxers? Why is no one talking to Liu first??

Lol, nevermind. Liu handles her own business. I want a show of just Clize whooping ass on the regular.

Okay, Mollie and Nim! Jojo said, "We are grown here. We give head."

Mollie is so valid. She just had Nim shivering from that tongue action, and now Mollie is all like, "We're just friends?" Friends don't get each other off like that. Get Tilly Birds on the line.

Okay, Silvy is so good. The aghast expression she pulled off was fantastic.

Oh, Army, I really need you to appreciate Joe's reality. Joe might lose the career that seems to provide a sense of purpose, and Army just doesn't grasp that.

"I just want the kind of love that makes me feel at ease." Me, too, Liu. Enjoying that these characters are in their late 20s, because your priorities start to shift.

The potential Kat and Jean have, only to reorient the conversation to Alex.

Really glad we're returning to Kim and Ice. In the 90s we had very special episodes about abortions and teen pregnancy, but we never lived with the fallout of the choice.

I think Ice should review his musician couple idols, because none of those relationships really worked out.

I'm gonna need the people on the internet to be respectful of Clize's feet. Still, I'm glad these two found some kind of balance.

Oh, I loved Jedi's proposal.

These dudes are going to sneer at their proposal in a queer-friendly bar? I think they should learn what bricks taste like. Give them a memorable LGBT experience.

They're not backing down? The whole bar should stomp their asses. I'll accept Jeana and Alex teaming up, and getting yelled at by the rest of the club.

Establishing that Tony has been a decent dude was a good move, because we expect him to not force an encounter on Jean after she panics. I like the way Joong plays his disappointment that they can't proceed along with his worry for Jean. I'm sure he suspects what may have happened, and knows it isn't his wound to heal.

I kinda wanna hear Phuwin play Motley Crue music now.

Mixed experiences across the squad right now.

I don't remember who Mr. Saran is, but I'm curious how the prom will act as a plot device next week.

[maverey]

I'm gonna over analyze the fuck outta this.

DISCLAIMER - I have not read any of Leigh Bardugo's books. Everything I know about the grishvarse, I know from the show, fanfiction and social media. I also don't know much about MBTI. This analysis will be very fanfiction-y and super subjective. Pls don't yell at me if you don't like it.

NINA

Nina being a disaster with everyone except Kaz makes sense cuz, their character arcs largely revoke around the person they're in love with. Sure they have strong character motivations and moments, but they're story revolves around Matthais and Inej a lot. Plus, their sibling dynamic is adorable and, in another life, I could even see them being love interests.

Nina being a disaster with everyone else makes sense cuz, she goes away to Ravka to be a diplomat or whatever. There's distance between her and the crows now. Its only natural thar they drift apart.

Matthias and Nina being disastrous is probably because he dies. Their relationship ended very abruptly. The love they had was very quick and passionate and complicated and chaotic and they didn't get a chance to talk and sort everything out. Plus matthias dies FOR Nina, to save her. Which is romantic but also tragic, and disastrous :")

MATTHIAS

So Matthias and Nina I've already explained. His 'OK' dynamic with Kaz and Inej are self-explanatory. As for his 'perfect' dynamic with Jesper, that's interesting.

Jesper is a very fun and lovable guy. I could see him bonding with Matthias on a deeper level. He's very good at approaching people, and Matthias could very easily joke around and open up to him. Plus Jesper is Zowa. Now, I assume, Matthias is unaware of the Zowa and that he's only ever known the ravkan grisha. Jesper can teach him about his culture and what being 'Zowa' means. It'll give him an opportunity to broaden his mind and un-learn everything the druskelle had taught him. And by connecting with Jesper, he'll form a good bond with Wylan as well.

JESPER

Jesper and Wylan being perfect is just facts. Jesper with Matthias & Nina I've already explained. Jesper and Kaz is just 'OK' probably because Kaz doesn't really let anyone get close to him, even though he cares very much about all his crows. He's reluctant to get closer to anyone of them, probably because of his own self-loathing and his 'armour' Once he takes it off tho, anything can happen. I'll get into him more in his own section.

Jesper & Inej just being 'Not Bad' feels wrong. Probably because I love them both very much and their deleted scene from S2 was the GOAT imo. But ig their relationship deteriorated cuz Inej went off to fight slavers on the sea and grew distant from them. And as I said before, Jesper is very emotional and wears his heart on his sleeve. We saw how devasted he was when Inej left in that deleted scene. Inej being too busy and not being able to keep in touch, could hurt him very much. And worst part is that it's no one's fault. People just grow apart after a while. There's nothing anyone can do about it :""""""""")

WYLAN

I dont really have much to say about Wylan tbh so, this will be quick imo.

Jesper + Wylan = <333333

Wylan with Nina & Matthias, I've explained.

Wylan with Kaz & Inej being 'OK' makes sense to me cuz, once again. Distance.

Imo he kinda stops looking up to Kaz cuz, he's emotionally distant and there's only so much effort he can put in that relationship. With Inej it's geographical/physical distance. Its just hard to communicate with her on a regular basis.

I'll explain this further in their own sections.

KAZ

Now, this is fun. Cuz here's where I get delusional and start headcanoning.

So, I headcanon that Kaz moves away from Ketterdam and goes back to Lij, eventually.

IMO, some time after ck, kaz ties up all his loose ends, fakes his own death (optional) and goes back to Lij. The ice court heist will be his last heist, he's got all the money he needs to start a new life back in his hometown.

He slowly starts to heal there. Re-connects with his old friends and people he knew from the town. A great example would be something like @unfortunate17 's fic Homeland on ao3. Imo, in oder to take off his armour he must learn to love himself. In Lij, being a flower farmer, renovating his family home, reconnecting with his past is how he does it.

Inej, Jesper & Wylan visit him a lot. Lij is great place for vacationing ig

INEJ

Inej's dynamic with Jesper & Nina I've already explained, so we'll just talk about Kaz, Matthias & Wylan.

Now, my interpretion of inej is vvv different from others. Imo, inej values her freedom far above anything else. It means everything to her. She knows what it's like to have all your freedom, all your choices, all your autonomy, everything, stolen from you.

So, when she gets a chance to leave the city that imprisoned her, she takes it. And never comes back. Ever. No seriously, she's not stepping her foot back into ketterdam, unless it absolutely required.

The barrel ruins people. It took a lot of time, effort and patience for to heal. She's never giving that city a chance to ruin her again. She sends letters to Nina, Kaz, Jesper and Wylan. Visits them in Lij. And that's enough for her. And the boys understand, because ofc they do. Inej is a free spirit. She cannot, must not, be trapped.

That's why her dynamic is just, 'OK' with them, because of the distance. And even though she lives the rest of her days at sea, she's never forgets her crows. And misses them all very much.

AND THATS IT FOLKS!!! I wrote all this on the subway/tube/metro otw home from college, so pls forgive any grammatical mistakes. Hope yall liked it <333

I have some feelings about this site

Because the results are interesting

For one , the Wesper stanning is appreciated

BUT THE NINA SLANDER 😡

SHAME! SHAME!

This is mbti headcanons of mine given the lack of confirmation from Leigh, if you want an explanation for Wylan since he is popularly typed as infp , there is a post of mine where i have a conversation on the comments about it https://www.tumblr.com/lilisouless/692880803349331968/you-guys-think-wylan-is-an-intp-or-isfj

[dastardlydandelion]

So...what kind of horror movie would you write featuring the Hargrove/ Mayfield family? (That you haven't written already lol)

oh boy, u may regret asking me this bc i am indecisive af and i can’t pick just one!

two that i'm actually writing are max as (g is for) ghostface killer in the abcs of neil’s death and also the max + tory nichols werewolf movie fic outlined here. also some more misc gorror junk bc i’m a demon and esp horny for susan wearing blood splatter. but more ideas commence below:

horror movie #1: another creature feature! awhile back @lucdarling sent me an ask abt max + billy hiding smth from susan and her like, playing along, pretending she doesn't know, and one of the scenarios that popped in my head was them keeping a baby bat as a pet. max finds it and she’s only like six or seven, and she thinks it’s going to turn into a vampire. so here is that scenario except horror edition: baby bat is actually a vampire type creature. not rly a vampire like, what’s prolly popping into ur head, like an undead human like dracula or smth, but like a bat monster that sucks blood.

billy being a lil older doesn’t actually think the bat is going to turn into a vampire. he makes fun of max for believing this, but he helps her take care of it anyway bc he thinks it’s cool. susan, like in the non-horror version, knows abt the bat but plays dumb bc she’s feeling a lot of guilt abt max’s difficulty adjusting to the blended fam (as of rn tho, neil has yet to reveal his abusive nature. the red flags are not yet red, more of a brownish maroon, and he is on his best behavior almost all the time, showering susan + max with affection and keeping the swears out of his mouth when he scolds billy in front of them) and knows the lil furry baby makes her happy. she tacitly cleans up after the bat whenever the kids miss a spot (bats poop a lot, dude) and distracts neil, deterring him from discovering it whenever he gets close.

baby bat gets rly big rly fast. and the older it gets, the more it starts to look monstrous. it still has bat features but it’s just like, different. its fangs grow suspiciously long, its hooks grow suspiciously long. its feet are elongated. a dorsal ridge emerges from its spine, spikes at first just flesh but soft fur rather like peach fuzz eventually sprouting. billy catches on that smth is strange abt this animal when it's as long as his forearm after two wks and still growing. he nearly shits a brick when the bat is clinging to his sweater one day and he steps in front of a mirror and only his reflection looks back at him— no bat.

max laughs at him all like, “stupid brother, ofc there’s no reflection. nosferatu is a vampire, vampires don’t have reflections.” 😂

susan catches a glimpse of the thing when nosferatu crawls out of the home max built it in her closet the same wk billy realizes it doesn’t have a reflection, and also almost shits a brick. she doesn’t know what it is, but it’s NOT a fucking bat. not a normal one, anyway! cue a comedy scene where she’s chasing it around the house with a butterfly net and it’s always one flap *ba dum tss* ahead of her, flying just out of reach. she suddenly regrets not getting rid of it sooner, scolding herself for ever allowing her daughter to keep a wild animal.

she can’t catch it. max comes home, susan tells her she needs to get rid of it. max cries, flips her the bird, refuses. billy tho…billy has mixed feelings. he loves nosferatu but he’s worried it’s going to get dangerous. he loves his dad and his dad is dangerous too. he’s stressed out enough, always on edge, knowing that one way or the other, neil is going to hurt him again. he’s already waiting for his dad to hurt him, he doesn’t need the added stress of waiting for nosferatu to hurt him too. and while max is 100% nosferatu’s favorite, it likes billy too. billy’s been handling it since it could fit in the palm of his hand, it trusts him much more than it trusts susan and doesn’t know any different when billy takes it out of the closet when max isn’t around.

billy frees nosferatu at an abandoned farm. there are always bats flying out of the old silo adjacent to the dilapidated barn. while he knows nosferatu isn’t a *normal* bat, it’s still bat like enough that he thinks it might make friends and be happy here…

yeah, that doesn’t stick. before long, nosferatu is feasting on that colony. leeches the blood out of a couple bats nightly. the number of bats increases with nosferatu’s size. meanwhile, max mourns her missing friend. she’s sullen af and won’t speak to susan at all. she thinks susan is the one who got rid of nosferatu. billy never fesses up and susan doesn’t contradict max’s assumption bc she wants the step-siblings to get along.

neil, meanwhile, is getting more comfortable. those maroon flags are slowly but surely brightening to scarlet. he starts sabotaging susan’s plans with her friends, trying to keep her around the house more and more, quietly but steadily eroding her relationships with other people. he’s getting more visibly aggressive when he disciplines billy. he curses him out with a virulent venom that dunks susan’s stomach in ice water and scares max so badly, she runs to susan and hides behind her even though she’s still so mad that susan got rid of her beloved baby vampire.

nosferatu’s appetite surpasses what the bat colony can offer. it’s like the size of a ten yr old human child now. fucker’s big. it doesn’t just have fangs on top, but tusks on bottom. it can’t go out in the sunlight anymore, the sun sears its flesh. it misses max a lot and before, it wasn’t strong enough to fly back to her house. but now it is. it’s extremely strong, actually.

so bc it's hungry, nosferatu grabs a snack along the way. some nameless rando, it swoops down and sucks dry. nourished and much happier, nosferatu makes its way back home. patiently waits outside of max’s bedroom in the moonlight, tapping its hook against the window until she wakes up. initially max is a lil startled— nosferatu looks so different, there’s a beat before she recognizes it— him?? yk, ig it’s male, the og nosferatu was a guy. sure, why not, nosferatu is a boy now.

once she realizes who it is, she is so! happy! max opens the window and embraces her friend. she isn’t freaked out by the blood on its fangs. she’s always known nosferatu is a vampire, albeit, she was thinking he’d look more like dracula than this bat-monster-thingy.

nosferatu moves back into max’s closet. it hangs upside-down from her rod by its weird, elongated feet. we get more shots of nosferatu sucking rando ppl dry at night, tho he remains gentle with max. when max drags billy in to show her he came back, nosferatu is less friendly with him. he’s not aggressive with billy, but he is standoffish. nosferatu’s thought process is somewhere between human and animal. he doesn’t quite cognitively understand that billy took him to the farm with the intent of getting rid of him, but he does understand that the last time he clung to billy, billy left him alone and never came back. max puts two and two together, and realizes it was billy who “stole” her friend. she yells at him a lot, he yells back, she then ices him out.

billy acts out bc he’s upset. runs away, thinks he’s going to find his mom…the cops find him first and call neil. neil is rly embarrassed and pissed abt the whole thing. he breaks down and beats billy in front of the mayfields for the first time. nosferatu smells the blood and it’s time for the main event! we love dead!neil, yes, we do.

nosferatu flies out the closet and right into the living room where billy’s bleeding and teary but biting his lip so they don’t actually fall. susan’s covering max’s eyes but so shocked and tbh, FRIGHTENED, she doesn’t move a muscle beyond that. neil’s got the belt raised, preparing to bring it down again, and nosferatu smashes right into him. neil stumbles, turns back to see this freaky monster looking thing. proceeds to whip the belt at nosferatu. tries to fight him off with the belt and it doesn’t accomplish much beyond pissing him off more— nosferatu, like most classic vampire types, has a healing factor!

max rips her mom’s hands off her face in time to see her pet sink its fangs into her stepdad’s throat. nosferatu sucks neil dry. billy’s a little dazed, not quite frightened. susan is just dead ass frozen, too scared to scream, even. nosferatu crawls over to billy and nudges at him, making sure he’s in once piece and forgiving him in the same go. max darts over and that snaps susan out of her stupor, but she isn’t as fast as our blood-sucking bat monster.

nosferatu stretches his wings out and with a truly impressive wingspan, hugs both of the kids. <3

horror movie #2: a haunting! this one opens with a bang. it’s a tragic horror, beware. we’re in hawkins post s3. billy died at starcourt mall. neil’s obvi had a longstanding abusive mindset and abusive behavior, but he rly takes his grief out on susan and max. mostly susan. she does her best to protect max however she can, whether that means shielding her w her body, sending her out of the house, getting neil’s goat to inspire his ire in max’s place, etc. but sue simply isn’t around all the time and when she isn’t, but max is, well. yk.

one day neil comes home early (bc he lost his job for a violent outburst, tbh) and discovers susan packing a suitcase.

sue fights hard. she rly does. but neil is bigger, heavier, crueler, and to boot, he caught her completely unawares. he kills her. and no, no it’s not some accidental thing where neil makes one bad move rage-blind. he strangles her with his belt. she’s clawing at his arms and making these horrible choked, trapped animal noises. thrashes and twists her body with everything she has trying to get him off but he’s so strong, his grip is unrelenting, and she's growing weaker, lightheaded with the lack of oxygen. strangulation can induce incontinence and when susan blacks out, her piss streams to the hardwood— neil hears that as much as he felt the clawing and heard the noises, even now he could stop, but he doesn’t. he just. doesn’t think his wife has the right to leave him, esp not after his son just did.

neil burns the body and the suitcase in the woods while max is at school. max has been spending as much time as she can (and often with sue’s prompting) outside of the house, so it actually takes her about two days to realize her mother isn’t around. neil tells a pretty convincing story about how susan abandoned them, voice saturated with apology and sorrow. he takes her out for a fancy dinner and promises he’s going to be a better father-- that being a better father is the least he can do now that her mother abandoned her and they are alone in their grief.

max doesn’t know what to think. she’s been preoccupied with her own grief and pain. she finds it hard to believe her mother would just leave her to neil’s wrath. she has a lot of hangups with susan and anger toward her for marrying neil and not getting them out sooner, but she’s also old enough to realize there would be risks involved with that. it’s hard to reconcile the memory of her mother just last wk pinning max to the wall to protect her from neil’s blows with her own bod just abruptly taking off without a word in the middle of the night. but hey, maybe that’s why susan left. maybe she got sick of protecting her, maybe the pain got to be too much and she turned tail.

but also…it’s early october now, abt three months after billy’s death but still fairly warm outside. yet neil is wearing long sleeves. neil never used to button his collared shirts all the way up, and yet. every collar is buttoned. also, mom’s car is still here. why would mom leave without her car?

that ceramic pelican she loved so much is still here too, on the mantle in the living room. it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she would leave behind, she's had it since max was a baby.

max almost wants to believe neil because she’d rather her mother abandoned her than be dead somewhere, rotting in a storage locker or a hole in the ground. under the earth with the worms, just like billy. max has the worst feeling low in the pit of her gut. she thinks she knows the truth. she thinks abt going to hopper and hesitates bc she’s not sure she could handle it if he actually found smth. or what would happen to her if he did, where she would be sent, who she would end up with.

this movie would be more on the ambiguous end of things. an arthouse horror, if u will.

the days turn into wks and neil is crawling in his skin. the viewer isn’t sure if the shadows he’s seeing, always, always susan-shaped shadows, are of a ghostly nature or if he’s just hallucinating out of guilt. but the signs gradually point to the former— that smth paranormal is indeed going on. bc those scratches and bite marks susan left in his skin?

they do not heal. they do not get infected. they do not become necrotic. but they do not heal, either. days turn into wks and the wounds still look fresh, like she just left them moments ago. neil can’t wear light colors anymore because his wounds weep red into the fabric. he isn’t just seeing susan’s shadows either, he’s smelling her.

he washes his sheets and pillowcases a dozen times and the scent of her shampoo, her lotion, it’s like it’s woven into the fibers. he walks into the hallway and chokes on the aroma of susan’s perfume. he wonders if max is screwing with him, if max figured it out and she’s trying to torture him into a confession. one day he stomps off to max's bedroom, furious, adamant on confronting her. he grabs her doorknob, prepared to yank it open and then lets out a yelp, jerking his hand back with a sudden sharp pain.

it feels like a bee sting (which would be esp bad for this fucker in anything i write, bc i headcanon him as being allergic). but there’s no stinger. no injury. nothing. neil is freaked out enough that he backs down.

max, on the other hand, is getting gentler signs. when she turns the radio dial in the camaro, it’s somehow always her mom’s favorite songs that come thru the speakers. when she goes to pull clothes out of her drawers in the morning, she discovers that the things she’d just shoved inside in wrinkled balls are perfectly folded, neat as a pin, exactly like how susan always folded. susan was always fond of cardinals and suddenly max is seeing cardinals, pretty red cardinals, in just abt erry tree and shrub.

neil wakes up one night to his wife’s voice whispering “boo” right in his ear. he throws the covers off and discovers ashes in the bed. he doesn’t smell susan’s shampoo or lotion anymore, he smells the kerosine he’d poured all over her body.

his wounds still won’t heal. whenever he looks in the mirror, he catches a glimpse of susan walking past behind him, peering at him from her peripheral. he whips around, heart hammering, but there’s never any tangible person there.

max is almost certain her mother is dead at this point. neil’s been so bizarrely nice to her lately. she never believed in ghosts but her experiences with the upside-down broadened her perception of reality. she doesn’t know how else to explain the songs, the cardinals, the folded clothes. the way that these days, whenever she does feel fear toward neil, it just fades away. her fear melts like popsicles in the sun, immediately replaced by the sensation of a warm, maternal hug, as if arms she can’t see are trying to reassure her she truly doesn’t need to be afraid of him anymore.

in fact, max feels so unafraid of neil and brave, that one night she calls him out on it. he’s grizzled and unshaven in his recliner, beer in hand. she steps in front of the television he’s vacantly fixated on and folds her arms across her chest.

“you killed my mom, didn’t you?”

quick as a flash, neil leaps to his feet. he brings his arm back like he’s going to strike her and susan’s ceramic pelican on the mantle explodes into shards. the lights flicker, the television program cuts to snow with a static roar. every other knickknack on the mantle rattles and framed photos tumble off the wall.

neil very wisely lowers his hand. he slumps, boneless. he doesn’t say a word. max sees the answer in his eyes. it’s the dead of night and she snatches the camaro keys off the hook, marching out of the house, slamming the door behind her. it’s the dead of night and she doesn’t care. she’s going to blow past every stop sign and pound on the chief’s door until he opens up. and fuck, i just realized if this is post s3 he’s supposed to be in russia. shit. i don’t watch this show, but i know abt russia bc i DID watch the clips of that demogorgon that i rly hope isn’t stuck in captivity!! okay, but let’s pretend that didn’t happen?

it’s an au?? i mean, errything i write is always technically an au anyway, bc when i write stuff susan has an actual personality and billy isn’t *completely* abhorrent. okay, so it’s an au and mr. hopper didn’t blow up and un-blow up in russia. he’s still here. so max drives to his house.

she pounds on the door so hard this guy snaps outta bed, thinking someone’s trying to bust it down. she tells him neil confessed to killing her mom. it isn’t true, exactly, but he didn’t have to. so it’s a helluva grim drive back to cherry lane, this time in the cop car.

but when they go inside, chief prepared to arrest neil, no need. neil’s hanging from the belt he strangled susan with, shirtless for the first time since that night, erry seemingly fresh furrow and bite mark on full display. below his dangling feet is a map, the area he burned susan’s corpse in circled in red marker. did he kill himself or did the ghost do it?

up to u, we soundlessly cut to credits without a concrete answer to that question.

horror movie #3: crossover special! stranger things meets the chilling adventures of sabrina. sequel to that fic i wrote where susan makes out with lilith, queen of hell, and lilith kills neil for her. sue officially joins the church of lilith. bc in this ‘verse the church of lilith actually happens after caos s2 instead of the nonsense that was s3 and the inconceivably godawful migraine-inducing shit-fest that was s4.

killing neil was lilith’s only freebee. susan isn’t a witch, she’s a mortal, so in order to reap the other rewards of worshipping the one and only mother of demons, she has to fornicate with the witches and participate in the sacrifices!!!

this is, uh, well. it’s p much a porno, dude, sorry. 😅

this is just an excuse for susan to have sex with lilith, zelda, marie, hilda, big witch orgies + susan. witches bathing in the blood of their sacrifices, susan so nervous and timid but unable to deny her desire. the witch’s dressing her in their gothic garb.

how does the rest of the fam get it on this?

max joins the church too. she has more age-appropriate conduct with sabrina and the weird sisters, and what have you. just smooches and over-the-clothes groping, and whatnot, even tho the weird sisters, at least, would be interested in going further if given the opportunity.

billy dies in starcourt again, so he gets revived in the cain pit! hilda is the one who goes to him after bc she’s been in the cain pit many a time (i am still BIG side-eyeing zelda for repeatedly murdering her sister since childhood). hilda understands how jarring it can be to come back. suddenly alive!billy is freaking tf out but she brings him inside the mortuary, wraps him up in a big blanket burrito and they have a talk. hilda explains that he’s going to be okay and rubs his back while he tentatively sips the hot chocolate she made.

after billy’s calmed down, she brings max and susan in. max and susan can’t do as much magic as the caos witches— they’re mortals, after all, it’s not in their nature —but they’ve gained some abilities thru being in the church, following the rituals, and being carnally involved with the immortal witches. max happily shows him some of her new magic tricks.

horror movie #4: another crossover with caos. heavily inspired by creepshow episode s2e1, model kid (which i already v blatantly referenced in the last axe snafu update and i’m not ashamed, bc it’s a good series i love v much).

billy picks max up from the byers’ place rly late one night. it’s dark and the weather is bad and okay, yeh, he might be a little high. and a little concussed. he pissed neil off pretty bad the other day and okay, actually he’s defo concussed bc he doesn’t even remember what he did wrong!

needless to say, they take a wrong turn somewhere. they end up in greendale. at first max is pissed. she yells at him a lot! yells so loud hilda can hear them thru the walls of dr. cerberus’s comic shop/diner. she goes outside to see what all the fuss is abt, hilda never rly ignores youth in need. we love hilda, she deserved so much better…i’m getting distracted, okay, back to the story.

hilda ushers them inside. max is like, “ooh, comics? horror junk and comics? nvm, i’m not mad anymore.” she pats billy’s arm and wanders away to go check stuff out! hilda makes billy sit down. caos canon established that she’s psychic, at least when she wants to be. she smells the weed but she also sees his life, his trauma. billy doesn’t remember what he did to piss neil off or the abuse that followed, but hilda sees it clear as day.

he’s rude and cranky w her when she probes a little too much for his liking. hilda gently but firmly reprimands him and gets him a milkshake on this house. then she goes to check on max. she steers max to a v particular section of the shop, the one that sells model kits. now, max isn’t *huge* into model kits BUT they are p neat and she enjoys them well enough. more so when the weather is nasty and she can’t go outside. or when she needs smth to do with her hands (a trait she shares w susan) to distract herself and ease some of the anxiety when she hears her brother being beaten or her mother being shouted at.

max is actually rly impressed by the array of models. vintage ones and newer ones. monsters, slashers, final girls, tiny accessories like knives and bloodied heads. but when she gets to the paint-your-own shelf, her jaw drops to the floor.

there’s one that looks just like neil. unpainted, plain gray vinyl, but undoubtedly her stepdad. the expression on the five inch figurine is one frozen in fear.

“i think that one’s calling to you,” hilda prompts her, with the softest smile.

max blinks away her bewilderment altho she still can’t speak. she turns to hilda and turns her empty pockets inside out. hilda just waves her hand. she tells her it’s on the house. that it wouldn’t be fair if she gave billy smth on the house, but not max.

speaking of billy, when he finishes his milkshake, he’s suddenly totally sober and healed!! no more high buzzing in his blood. no more pounding headache or concussion fogging his mind. he doesn’t feel his bruises anymore, rolls his sleeve up, and realizes they simply aren’t there anymore. like they dissolved off his skin.

albeit it’s muttered under his breath, but billy does thank hilda. then he and max are on their way. max shows him the suspiciously familiar figurine in the box. this night cannot get weirder.

max knows what to do with the model kit. she does. she isn’t sure how she knows, but she does. she grapples with it for a long time. neil’s the closest thing she has to a dad these days. and things aren’t bad all the time, ofc.

sometimes neil gives max a ride when mom and billy aren’t available. sometimes he brings her ice cream entirely unprompted. neil’s the one who picks max up off the sidewalk when she wipes out super bad on her skateboard, carries her inside and then later to the car when her cut doesn’t stop bleeding and she ends up needing stitches.

but most of the time he sucks. she can’t rly be herself around him. he's indifferent to her interest at best, scornful at worst. he would hate all her friends. he scares the shit out of her when he’s angry. he doesn’t have a problem belittling her mother in front of her, tearing susan to shreds and making her out like she’s lower than dirt, the most worthless person on the planet. doesn’t have a problem beating billy in front of her or glaring at her with the promise that she’ll be next if she dares to voice her dissent.

max doesn’t always want to do what she knows she’s meant to do with the model. bc she's kind at heart and bc on the good days, she genuinely does have mixed feelings toward neil. never enough to hope he'll be better, he's proven he won't...but maybe enough to hope he won't get worse, either.

then comes the night neil breaks ribs. bad, like we’re talking, a-sharp-spear-of-broken-rib-punctures-billy’s-lung-and-he’s-coughing-up-blood-bad. that’s a trip to the emergency room. in the days that follow, at her next dnd meeting w the party, max places the fully and attentively painted model of her stepdad on the table. normally her pals would protest her derailing the intended game, but they can sense it, yk, that smth is different.

max takes over as dungeon master to the protest of no one, all other mouths sealed as if bewitched and spellbound. she narrators a scene where the demogorgon devours neil and uses the demogorgon piece and the model for demonstration.

when max returns home, neil is strewn across the house in gory chunks and torn wallpaper curls around massive claw marks.

[meetthefatess]

Hi dear! I just finished listening to In the Green and I'm in love, it's so beautiful and the vocals are amazing. However I'm having a hard time understanding it. Would you be willing to do a summary of like each song so that I can figure out what's happening? Totally understand if that's too much work though, I'm happy just listening to it without fully understanding. Love you!

Hi! I wouldn’t mind at all 🥰

Some of these descriptions are going to be longer than others bc I know more about certain songs. Also disclaimer, I haven’t seen the show in person so this is based on reviews & interviews I’ve seen talking about the show & the music itself! If anyone has corrections, pls let me know!

(tw for mentions of rape, I’ll tag accordingly)

O Virga ac Diadema: this is actually a song written by Hildegard von Bingen, who was a brilliant scientist, composer, philosopher (among other things) in the Middle Ages & who this musical is based on! Most, if not all, of the Latin chanting sections are taken from Hildegard’s own work! I’ll probably mention this again when the next one comes up.

Death Ceremony: following the death of her sister (which we will get into later) Hildegard is given away by her mother to Jutta. Hildegard was the youngest of 10 siblings and very shaken by her sister’s death, so this was likely done to lessen the burden on the family. My understanding is that this song is Jutta officially taking over the care of Hildegard. She is excited at the idea of Hildegard being acquainted with death (through the lessons she plans to teach her) because it is what she herself has been pursuing in her search for “the light.” The slam at the end of the song represents the two being locked in the cell together.

If I Had a Knee: in this song we become acquainted with the “pieces” of Hildegard. Because of, as she says, a “life shattering experience” she has broken into the Mouth (Ashley Pérez Flanagan), Eye (Rachael Duddy), and Hand (Hannah Whitney). This is how she has processed her trauma. She believes her mother sent her away because she is broken like this and if she just becomes whole (or one “piece”) again she will be able to return home. We also get a little forshadowing to Confession when she sings “If I had a knee I could climb out the window.”

The Rule: Jutta promises she can help the Hildegards become whole again because she used to be broken & knows what they are going through. She also believes that helping the Hildegards will give her the freedom she has been searching for and show her “the light.” We get a little look into Jutta’s life as a noblewoman here too! Jutta also brushes away the Hildegard’s questions about how she broke (or HER life shattering experience) and insists that the only thing that matters is she was able to get herself under control (by locking herself in the cell) and become whole again.

I Am Hungry: I Am Hungry is centered around Mouth and the desires held by that piece of Hildegard. These solo (ish) piece songs I believe are how Jutta learns about & tries to “fix” Hildegard one piece at a time. Mouth battles with feeling ungrateful, despite this opportunity to become whole thanks to Jutta, being uncomfortable in her own skin, and feeling like a monster. I don’t know as much about this song but it is a Bop and Ashley Pérez Flanagan is SO good.

Eve: this is one of the lessons Jutta teaches (directed at Mouth) on how to make her trauma easier to bear. I believe this lesson is given after Hildegard has her first period? Jutta’s lessons are starting to reveal her own pain and flawed judgement with the line “if you kill your every care, your burden will be less to bear.” Once again, A Bop

Ritual: time is passing in the cell! The Hildegards are still working to become whole, with the help of Jutta (who sings “it takes time to be whole” in response to the Hildegards’ “I’m trying”). They are becoming frustrated because they are still broken and are not sure what they are supposed to be learning.

Little Life: perhaps realizing that the Hildegards are more inclined to believe in light & life than the death-oriented lessons Jutta tries to teach them, Jutta gives another lesson. Jutta further shows she has gone through trauma too in understanding the Hildegards are “hiding the feeling [they’ve] done something wrong.” We also learn the name of Hildegard’s sister (Agathe) and that she has died. Jutta insists that Hildegard can get past her pain by sacrificing parts of herself (“you have nothing to lose if everything’s gone”). This also begins the instruction to dig (in which the Hildegards dig their own grave to help them become whole).

Sun Song: Hand remembers her childhood fondly & running through the woods with her sister Agathe before her death. She is trying to reason with Jutta and show her that the outside world is beautiful and that they don’t have to lock themselves away (literally). Eventually, Jutta recounts her own youth. She was engaged but decided to run away from her family instead of submit to her would be husband. She and Hand sing about the freedom they experienced in the outside world.

In The Green: the talk of the outside world awakens Jutta’s own trauma (her voice overlapping with that of Shadow, the broken piece of her that holds said trauma). When she chose to run away, she was found out and raped by a man (he is familiar to Jutta, so we can assume this is her would be husband) in the garden she was running through. In the end Jutta appears both to be yelling “leave me alone” to the man in her memory and to Shadow, who she has buried away and pretends does not exist anymore. “In The Green” or “The In The Green memory” is how this memory is referred to later in the musical.

Burial: as reasoning with Jutta does not work, the Hildegards turn on her and say they will no longer help her find the light. Jutta yells back “okay, stay broken. Have it your way.” Then the Hildegards turn on each other (mostly on Hand, the one they sing “you don’t belong here” to). They blame their trauma on Eye for having seen “Agathe’s secret,” Mouth for not keeping the secret, and Hand for not helping Agathe. More foreshadowing to Confession with “Agathe’s bleeding, I am not helping.” They all individually begin to break down and, because they feel they can’t focus on Jutta’s tasks: watch, wait, and try, they fully focus on digging until...

Underground: the Hildegards’ digging unearths Shadow, a piece of Jutta that she hid away, insisting she had already become whole. Shadow holds the memory of the day Jutta was raped, and understands that the pieces of Hildegard hold similarly traumatizing memories from the day their sister died. Shadow does not want to be revealed because Jutta does not want that memory to be part of her. (Think back to The Rule when Jutta says “when I see the light, I will erase my history for good” and tell be that doesn’t make you SO SAD)

Confession: the Hildegards tell their story to Shadow. Agathe sneaks out at night to meet with a man. Hildegard is scared Agathe is going to run away with him so tells their mother. Their mother is angry (likely because their family was lower nobility & did not approve of the relationship?). Agathe gets pregnant and has no husband, so wants to get rid of the baby so she isn’t ostracized or reminded of what happened. She convinces Hildegard to come with her to find herbs by the river that will “take the swelling from her belly.” This ends up killing her while Hildegard watches in horror. This also shows us how Hildegard was broken “I shouldn’t have seen (eye), I shouldn’t have said (mouth), I shouldn’t have lead her across the river (hand).”

Sun Song Reprise: after finally talking about their trauma, the Hildegards reflect. They realize that they can’t ever be how they used to be, but they can still be alright and will carry Agathe’s memory within them. They realize they don’t have to become “whole” to fix themselves.

Light Undercover: Shadow is in awe at how they’ve overcome their memory and found “the light.” She wants them to stay with her and share their light. The Hildegards realize hiding their trauma was what truly broke them and try to get Shadow to share the in the green memory with them so they can carry the burden of it together. Shadow is adamantly against this, saying Jutta made her disappear and she is content with the light from the Hildegards. The Hildegards insist that Shadow can find her own light if she just speaks about the memory.

The First Verb: the Hildegards sing about the lessons they’ve learned and the flaws in their previous mindsets. They want to help Shadow overcome her history. Shadow sings “I saw myself inside of a dream, but with your help I can wake up, make myself scream.” Essentially to become part of Jutta again and help her.

O Viridissima Virga: another song of the real Hildegard’s! A lot of her works revolved around nature and the earth mother which is is really cool thematically with the show. In my opinion ig

Light Undercover/ In The Green reprise: The Hildegard’s continue to try and coax the light out of Shadow who finally recounts the memory (voluntarily or involuntarily I do not know).

The Ripening: Jutta, presumably faced with her history once again, is conflicted. She believes she has done everything right but she still isn’t free, the only thing she’s ever wanted. She has sacrificed her whole life to her work and yet, is still trapped in darkness. Existential. Crisis.

Forgiveness: (if I’m interpretting correctly) Jutta has died. The Hildegards feel they were too late but now reflect on the lessons they have learned once again. “You have to be broken to see light in the dark.” Presumably why Jutta could never see the light is because she insisted she was not broken anymore and buried her broken pieces away.

Integration: Hildegard takes over Jutta’s place at the monastery and teaches and helps more women heal. This song is a lot about the rest of her life! If you have a little bit of background knowledge about Saint Hildegard (I don’t have much) this probably makes a good deal more sense.

Exorcism: Hildegard is faced with a member of the family her community helped destroy. Another woman who was silenced (this time by Hildegard’s influence). Story isn’t over?

Helpful timeline & things: Hildegard was 14 when she was locked in the cell with Jutta. Jutta had already been in the cell for 6 years. They remained in it together for 30 years. The only opening was a small window through which they were delivered food.

Some parts of this are my own interpretation so it’s totally cool if you see some lyrics as meaning different things!

Also, if you have questions about any songs in particular, feel free to shoot me another ask! Hopefully this helps!



[bite-to-dust]

[private]

Ok, keep this between us but I just need to vent to someone ig. It's so fucking stupid.

Anyway Nero and me are getting along fine. He went away for the weekend to a friend. I decided to fuck around and uhh, got consensually injured but like, pretty severely. Had to basically use up all my blood to heal.

Naturally I didn't tell him.

He decided that actually he wants to increase one drink (from me) a month into two. I'm a bit annoyed because I only get fed once a month but whatever.

We meet up, he drinks from me. I start feeling shit because the blood loss I had was actually pretty severe. Nero notices and starts yelling at me that I didn't tell him and how dare I be a dumbass and waste his blood like that, that I'm spoiled for asking him to give me some time to recover because 'the consequences of my actions' or whatever. And that oh he thought I was showing potential and some shit but maybe he was expecting too much from me.

Idk why but the last one actually fucking sucked to hear and the whole situation reminded me low key of my ex/ex domitor. And I know it's like 'well just leave', but I don't want to! And it's so fucking annoying because I'm gonna do some really morally dubious shit for him too and it's like ARGH. I'm a piece of shit and this is what I get for it! Everyone in this situation here sucks!!

Vampires... Ugh

[disgruntleddemon]

time for my disaster oc Icarus! he's part of an oc story of mine called Melteded Wings. i'm redoing the story so i figured i'd give him a slight redesign to go along with that. i'll probably redo some other Melted Wings ocs too.

since i'm still working on my redo of the story, have a summary of him that's a bit of a miss match of the old and new story under the cut.

it's long, so if you don't feel like reading it, have a meme my friend sent me after i yelled about Icarus being a poor little meow meow. i redrew it with him lol

he was originally this nature spirit thing (first design), who lived on his own in the woods. his life force/energy thing is attached to a willow tree. he had powers to manipulate plants around him, tho the power gets weaker the farther from his tree his is. (side note, if the tree gets hurt, he gets hurt. also those are willow branches around his neck and ankle)

later he met another cat called Maxwell. Maxwell lived out in the woods with him for a bit, but got lonely and missed living in a guild (they're technically castle cats ocs lmao).

anyway, Icarus goes lives in a guild with Maxwell for a bit, they end up breaking up, and Maxwell get's with someone else. Icarus goes back to his tree and angsts. my boy is super emotional and takes rejection hard. while he's out crying in the forest or whatever, the storm god, Neptune comes upon him and is like "uh hi, you good my dude??"

they end up becoming friends. Icarus is still a mess tho lmao. Icarus finds out about an attack that's gonna happen on Maxwell's guild, so goes back to warn him. Icarus also stays to help fight with them. Neptune stays behind to watch his tree.

during the fight Icarus gets his wing ripped off by a wolf (ik it's weird hjkjhjk). Neptune see's Icarus' tree is all fucked up now, so he teleports to the battle, snatches up Icarus, and teleports back. r.i.p all those other cats ig.

Neptune heals up Icarus' wound, and helps him recover. later either both of them, or just Neptune (haven't decided yet), Kill Neptune's shitty ex Zack, the sun god. Icarus is made sun god after that. he gets that gold floaty wing in place of his old one. it's more for show than flight though.

him and Neptune get together some time after that. they vibe until more drama ensues

i'm skipping a lot of stuff, but it's chill. i'll probably talk more about him later. i've had this angsty man like 3 years now and i love him v much

[fanfoolishness]

All right, yelling about The Reckoning, starting now!

Kuiil!!! We will always love you!

Still so bummed Gina Carano was just so.. fricking... why

Well screw her, I’m gonna enjoy Cara Dune’s character in my own way with my liberal non-science-denying pro-trans pro-Judaism ass and there’s nothing she can do about it

Grogu! It looks like he’s sleeping on the chair in the cockpit behind Din. Din! Do you not own a fucking blanket for this little creature? No one on Sorgan wanted to give you one for helping save the town? No one wanted to send you off with all the cutest Sorgan-made baby toys and homespun blankets and cute little krill-dyed blue clothes??? Or did they want to and you conveniently refused them because you didn’t want such things of friendship and softness in your little metal home?

I like watching the way Din’s hands move over the console in the Crest...

Greef Karga’s such a dramatic bitch, I love it, “if you’re getting this you’re still alive. You might be surprised to hear this, but I am alive too.” Ooooooooh

Greef Karga is seriously peeved about the Client still being there, he is PEEVED

If Din succeeds in killing the Client, Greef says “You keep the Child”

JUST THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MINUTE, LET’S UNPACK THIS

Din doesn’t know about the Jedi. He doesn’t have a quest in relation to Grogu. All he knows is he had to keep the kid safe. And here’s Greef saying “keep.” Keep him. Something he didn’t want to think too deeply about, but here it is, keep, and what would that mean for him? What would that mean for him and the child?

His child?

*rubs little fiendish fingers together and cackles*

Din is... intrigued. And also extremely decisive. Sorgan time! I always forget we get a second little snippet of it when picking up Cara.

I hope we get another Cara who can throw punches like this, though.

Don’t think I didn’t miss that pretty villager who told Cara “thank you.” We all always agreed Cara is gay right?

“I’m the snare” ooooh tell me more, Mr. Mandalorian

Grogu burbling, sooo cute

Grogu absolutely heard Din say the kid would never be safe as long as the Imps were looking for him. Grogu heard him and understood him and tried to fly the damn ship away, YOUR SON IS SCARED! Or at least saying “for the Force’s sake, dad, beef up your side a little bit more here”

When did Din get the floating box that Grogu is in? When the fuck did this appear from?

IG-11 is just trying to give people tea! And awwww when Din calls Grogu the baby. <3

Kuiil is such a good droid dad!!!

Kuiil dropping truth bombs right and left about the nature of droids

Happy little blurrgs :)

Grogu is so worried about his dad omg

HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THAT DIN WAS LITERALLY CARTING GROGU AROUND IN A BOX

Din, you’re never hungry :(

It’s interesting we also just had an episode about a motley crew working together and fighting amongst themselves, but here, the tension just dissolves. It’s all about the kid. It’s a nice subversion of what we expect with motley allies.

It appears that introductions are in order! / Din: I can have friends too! I swear

New pram — definitely better than a milk crate or whatever

Greef, you can just talk anytime. Love that Carl Weathers voice.

How come so many planets in Star Wars have animals but no plants? Do the animals photosynthesize??? How does this work

Man this is an awkward dinner date at the bonfire

Din: “Greef it makes me very uncomfortable when you joke about people harming my child :) :) :)”

Oh man I forgot Din got all clawed up by the night bird things and was all smashed into the ground, poor Mando

It would actually be cool if Cara had some field medic experience now that I think of it

“He’s trying to eat me!” Will always be great

Din: SO GODDAMN PROUD OF GROGU for healing Greef and also

Stormtroopers are such pricks

My helmet? ON YOUR WALL??????

Werner Herzog, you’re being a little creepy. Also seriously though what even is your story???

How did the Empire get people to drink the Kool-Aid? Like they just won’t admit they want power? nooooo we wanted to bring you all peace! Y u mad tho?

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE BABY

It is asleep

WE ALL WILL BE QUIET (i love it so much)

“You said four” I SAID WHAT I SAID

Moff Gideon is such a petulant bastard

FOUR????

Din you killed Kuiil by raising him on the comm link :( :( :(

KUIIL DESERVED BETTER ;____;

Now it’s sad strings Mando time :(

When will Grogu heal Mando? Please tell me it’s coming ;_;

[power-of-plot]

Armin Arlet x Fem! Reader. Oneshot. -Strong-

The first paragraph is purely a small introduction, just in case you wanna go straight to the fic :)

First of all, thanks for reading this! So! i often considered posting but i'm insecure, today i somehow got the confidence and courage to post -definitely not due to watching anime motivational speeches-. I wanted my first post to be something special so i dived deep down into my thoughts for a couple hours, i'm pretty happy with my choice so hope you enjoy it! My apologies if this sucks.

WARNINGS: Some sadness ig? -Armin being a pure soul. Fluff

Summary: Armin suddenly gets an injury during ODM gear training. After Reiner and his protective nature lend a helping hand, you see beyond the walls of his stoicism, people around him made his lack of strenght clear as day and he seemed to accept it but you never wondered if that caused him any pain at all. He needs to know everything has more than one meaning including what is called strenght, you gladly stay by his side to remind him different doesn't mean wrong.

Year 848 three years after the Colossal titan's misterious appearance, in Paradis Island Keith Shadis trained and yelled his lungs out at what soon would be the 104th Cadet Corps. Like any other day, the young cadets rutinarily trained to master the ODM gear, it all would have been the same as other sessions if it wasn't for Armin Arlet, your close and femenine looking friend who in a reckless (and failed-) attempt of proving himself strong to his group discretly tried performing a complex manouver resulting in him crashing into a tree. The few people ahead of him who stopped momentantarily to admire the manouever slowly resumed their way to the target they've had been assigned, just after a couple minutes of trying to walk bearing the pain the silhouette of someone along with the sound of gas and wires pulling something was getting closer by the second at the injured male. "Who's t-.. oh no.." Being around that person for so long made his oceanic eyes know who that brawny body and short blond hair belonged to inmediately, his deep voice shouting erased all the doubt. "Armin!" Reiner said rushing towards him as soon as his feet touched the the grass. As he looked for injuries, finding a twisted ankle, scrapes and bruises; Armin confirmed his suspicions: Reiner had dropped on what he was doing again just to help a single person. Right when he thought the guilt couldn't turn bigger he heard another familiar voice, this one belonged to a female. "Reiner! I saw you going back, what happened? Wait- Armin?!" Your voice turned alarmed after your (e/c) eyes catched a glimpse of your friend's characteristic golden hair, as if that would magically heal his injuries you rocketed towards your comrades at full speed. The crash- landing was rather ungraceful but it was merely trivial compared to an injured friend "(Y/N) are you-" Reiner held out his arms as he walked towards you but you ran past him leaving him standing alone with his arms opened like a rejected boy "Armin!!" You crouched down to him as it seemed he couldn't stand up, worrying you even more "...Hey (Y/N)... what are you..." His glance went lower as the guilt and shame's hand pushed his head down "What do you mean what am i doing? I noticed Reiner was going back from the front and i couldn't find you!- Hey what's wrong?" You asked after noticing a hint of sadness in his eyes, tilting your head and resting your forearms on your knees "Nothing, i must have hit my head that's all.." -because i dared prove something even myself knew full well- He replied blunty, making an adition mentally. His analytic mind was acting as a double ended weapon, either overnalyzing each and every one of his flaws or making the weight his frail shoulders were already carrying heavier. "Armin get on" Reiner said kneeling down turning his back to Armin so he could get on "Hm? It's not necessary, i-i'll just take my time to- ah!" Without further asking the muscular soldier turned around scooping your friend up from the ground into his arms bridal style, his eyes fixed on the grass and his lips released a soft sigh as embarrasment was displayed on his face. In other situation you'd have joked about how he looked cute being held like a baby but a hunch plus his face kept you completely from doing so. "You want to recover fast, don't you?" Reiner asked preparing his equipment to propulse himself again "Y-yeah but why.." "You'll only worsen your condition if you try walking, bear with it just for a while. Besides, what kind of soldier would i be if i left a friend behind knowing i can help him?" His hazel eyes noticed you were about to say something so he remained still to let you get close "It's okay don't be so hard on yourself i just crashed on the ground a moment ago, how did you call it the other day..? You didn't make a mistake, it was a happy accident! (Armin is Bob Ross.) How did you even find out about that manouever anyway?" "I've been analyzing the instructor's movements for a while now..." You deduced Reiner would take him to the infirmary wich he confirmed with a nod after you asked and so, it didn't take a single second for you to decide you'd go with them. The three of you flew and swung across the forest though it seemed like it only was you and Reiner, Armin was so quiet for a moment you even thought he was asleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"..Thank you very much Reiner" The blond thanked him now lying on his bunk, his ankle was bandaged up and his minor injuries were treateed "No problem, don't do anything until you're sure it won't hurt you got it?" "Don't worry Reiner i'll keep an eye on him 'till he's good as new!" You said cheerfuly with a smile as you sat by Armin's side, not caring a bit you were of the few girls in there. Once Reiner walked to his own bunk with Bertholdt you turned to Armin with a curious look "So what're you thinking about, you've been very quiet so it must be serious. Any new interesting thing about the outside world?" "Not really." His response was blunt again, something was definitely on his mind otherwise you couldn't explain why he wasn't as talkative as always. As he quietly stared at the matress above him you tried figuring out what could be bothering the boy since it was a lost cause trying to make him say it, you learnt this after countless tries, thankfully you could always ask for some help with Mikasa; her skills at everything including reading people were so good it was almost frightening. She wasn't there at the time and you couldn't rely on the others forever, a small leap of faith wouldn't do any harm, would it? There was only one thing you could think of. "Armin you are not weak." Your (e/c) eyes looked straight into his blue ones, silence reigned between you two before he hummed softly as if trying to deny "Why so?" It was as you suspected, he was blaming himself for making a simple mistake (-rolling girl vibes- sorry xd). You sighed resting your back on the headboard as your hand gently grabbed his forearm "You know it's not a bad thing to make mistakes, it's an everyday thing" "If we do become actual soldiers we'll risk our and the other's lifes everyday. This training is hard to make us strong, to make sure we don't make a single mistake that could lead to a tragedy" "You are not weak Armin." Your voice reasured in a firmer but gentle tone, he believed in what he had proof of, you would give him the proof he needed. Before he had the chance to turn on his side your hand grabbed his shoulder, making you two lock glances again, for your surprise small tears were forming on the corner of his eyes "I'm sorry.." "D-don't apologize it's okay! Come on let me help you what are you..?" He sat up shaking his head refusing to let a word out even when the tears slipped down his cheeks, it was painful to see Armin weep yet not ask for help, you've had been told he was like this since his childhood but it still was hard to believe and who knows if his overthinking made dealing with things on his own easier, he wouldn't try comforting himself. You sighed placing your hand on his shoulder and moving your thumb caressing the skin beneath his clothes, small muffled sobs could be heard coming from him "After that day on Shinganshina.. hundreds of people were sent there as if they were able to fight the titans, they didn't care if they were kids or elders- my grandfather went in my place, i know it wouldn't have made much of a difference but" He made a pause to try making his breathing go back to normal and hold back his tears, leaving just a small trace under his eyes "But he raised me, he gave me a name.. and i simply let him go straight to his death- i didn't make any effort to tell him i would go because i was scared.." You had to lean closer to listen clearly to what he was saying since he didn't want to drag anyone's attention besides yours "Sometimes i wonder what kind of things must have he felt when he realised he'd die alone..? I want to become a soldier to keep that from happening again, even though i'm just one it'd make a difference if only i.. wasn't such a weak coward" As he spoke you could almost feel the weight of his guilt resting on your shoulders for a moment, had he always been hiding in a shell? Ever since he was a child? A tear sprouted from the corner of your eye imagining how many times he suffered silently. You put your finger to your lower lip as you analyzed what your next move should be, after all it was Armin you were talking about, not all words would have effect on him "Strenght... physical strenght is not the only important thing, YES it is important in a soldier but the mind also matters! I can't lie, you get scared easily but so do i!. What about the snake from the other day? Someone had to remove it from your leg after you paralyzed but you were brave enough to not kick or scream in panic" Let's accept it you sucked at motivational speeches, your attempts usuallly ended up making him chuckle but it was some progress taking in mind you had no idea how to comfort him at the beggining. This time was no exception, he grew a tender smile but it faded away in matter of seconds "Come on Armin, you may be a little slim but what you don't have here-" Your hands abruptly dropped on his arms specifying you refered to muscles, then, your middle finger poked his forehead making him flinch "You have it here" "..What was that f-" He was cut off by your finger presisng against his lips "Shush- you are smart, incredibly smart you just have to see it! We all fall on our butts and feel scared of small things sometimes but that is what makes us humans, if we didn't feel fear or anything at all we'd be just like the titans!" You felt impressed of your own words, the look on his face made it clear he echoed the feeling. You wathed him move with his hands towards you before pulling you into one of the warmest hugs you've ever experienced; he held you so close and tightly you could feel his heart beating against you. "Thank you." His head rested on the crook of your neck, the gold strings of his beatiful hair falling over his face and tickling your nape slightly. You corresponded the gesture by eveloping him into your arms, slowly moving your palm up and down on his back "No problem....... Christa-"

Oof! That was long, congratulations if you read the whole thing!

[b0n-chann]

Hi you guys! So I’m just going to say it now, I split up this last part into two so there will be a total of four chapters in this series. I had it all put together but it was such a behemoth of a fic, splitting it in half seemed more manageable. AND. I’m happy where this half is after edits so I got it out early 🤗.

For my regular readers, you’ll find that a part of the back half of this fic sounds familiar, I ended up using the soulmate prompt because it just fit so perfectly. I did edit it a bit so that it fit better but the idea is the same.

I’m finishing up part 4 soon, and then I’ll start edits but it shouldn’t take too long to post!

To Love And Protect (Part 3)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

“Do it.”

“Do what?”

“Just get it over with. I’d rather you kill me than some Imp.”

“I told you. I am no longer a hunter. I am a nurse droid.”

“Look. I appreciate what you did for her and for the kid, but IGs are all hunters.”

“Not this one. I was reprogrammed. I need to remove your helmet if I am to save you as your wife wished.”

“My wife? No, she’s not my wife. But try it and I’ll kill you. It is forbidden. No living thing has seen me without my helmet since I swore the Creed.” But as much as he respected the Creed, he has never wanted to break his oath more if it meant coming back to you.

“I am not a living thing.” The droid reminds him, and the Mandalorian’s helmet hisses as IG-11 removes it from Din’s head. A spray appears out of his hand. “This is a bacta spray. It will heal you in a matter of hours. You have suffered damage to your central processing unit.” He begins to spray the side of Din’s head, it’s cooling mist already having an effect on him.

Din looks up at him confused. “You mean my brain?”

“That was a joke. It is meant to put you at ease. Your wife didn’t seem to understand that I make jokes either.”

“I told you, she’s not my wife.” Even though I’d like her to be, he added that thought to himself.

“Well, now that I have healed you, you can make her your wife. Or have I mistaken your feelings for her?” The droid pulls the Mandalorian to a sitting position. Images of living a happy life with you and the kid flash through Din’s head. Yes, that is exactly what he wanted, but he still felt unnerved that the droid could know so much about him.

“No, but I have a lot to make up for with her.” Din stands by himself, the bacta spray already working it’s magic.

“Oh, yes. You did upset the miss a great deal when you left.” The droid looked over to Din, as is assessing him. “How do you feel?”

“Like I got hit by a ship, but I’ll survive.”

“Good.” IG-11 walks up to the Mandalorian before punching him in the gut. Din doubles over in pain, the wind knocked out of him.

“What was that for?!” He gasps, holding onto a table trying to regain his breath.

“I thought I told you. You upset the miss. I am merely, how do you humans say it, ‘paying you back’”. Din guffaws at this.

“I guess I deserved that.”

“You did.”

———————

You make your way through the sewer tunnels, Cara next to you and Karga bringing up the rear.

“Hey,” Cara says quietly to you, “what was that back there? I know the little womp rat has freak of nature powers but it looked like you were doing something too?” She asks genuinely interested. Cara has always been trustworthy so you figure it’s safe to tell her at least something.

“I don’t know what to call it, but I’ve had these abilities for as long as I can remember. I’ve been able to move objects with my mind and my parents were terrified of me when I was a small girl. As I got older it’s gotten easier to control.” You pause for a moment and look at the shock trooper. There was no judgement in her face, just curiosity. “I have a strange connection to the kid, I’m able to feel his presence. It’s how I actually met the Mandalorian. I had been wandering around looking for something and literally ran into them after they escaped Nevarro. Little did I know that that something was this little one,” you say, nudging the child who babbles happily at you. Your heart aches as you think about Din but you continue to move forward. It’s what he would have wanted.

“I punched him for you, you know.”

“What? When?”

“On our way here. He told me a little bit of what happened and I clocked him for being a stupid man.” You laugh, loudly. Gods you loved Cara Dune. “But I know he was trying to protect you. It was eating him up the entire way here.”

“He’s always been so complicated.”

“Stupid is more like it.”

“Hey, I don’t appreciate that.” Your heads both whip behind you and you watch in amazement as IG-11 helps Din walk towards you. Before you even realize what you’re doing, you’ve walked back to meet them.

“Hi, Beautful,” he says, still sagging heavily on the droid, but he uses his free hand to play with the ends of your hair before moving to put his hand on the Child’s head.

“You’re okay,” you breathe out. He looks a little worse for wear but he’s here and alive.

“I fixed his central processing unit,” IG responds and you laugh; a full body laugh that forces you’re head to tilt back and the Mandalorian has never seen you look more beautiful.

“I missed that,” he says quietly. He removes his weight from the droid and slowly stands upright. You step closer to him in case he needs assistance and he places a hand around your shoulders. “I missed this, too.” Being able to his arms around you and the Child was almost too much for Din, and he was thankful that you could support him. He quickly presses his forehead to yours in a sign of affection before returning upright. “We should get going.” You nod and look down at the child.

“Ready?” The Child babbles at you in return. IG appears next to you, his hands outstretched.

“I can take the Child, Miss,” the droid says. You place the kid in his care before placing your arm around Din’s waist.

“Thanks IG. And thanks for bringing him back.”

“It is my pleasure, Miss. I also paid the Mandalorian back for you.”

You cock your head sideways in confusion as Din tries to hold in his laughter as he realized what the droid meant.

“What do you mean?”

“He means he sucker punched me in the gut for you, so we’re even.” You can hear Cara laughing behind you.

“You ever hurt her again, Mando, and the whole world will be coming for you.”

You laugh again. “Don’t think I’m letting you off the hook so easy,” you start and you swear you can see Din blanch behind his helmet. “But it’s a start.”

——————

The group continues through the sewers, the smell of sulfur thick in the air. However, if feels like you’re headed no where.

“Ugh, this place is a maze. Do you know where we’re going?” Cara asks Din.

He shakes his head. “I’ve only ever entered through the bazaar.” He stops for a moment before taking his arm off of you and standing upright. “I’m okay,” he says quietly. You smile up at him and nod.

“The bacta infusion is working,” IG says from beside you.

“I’ll try to find some tracks.” Din begins to look around and you take the time to admire him. His ability to find something out of nothing always amazes you. “This way.” He points left and the group follows. It feels as if the turns are endless but Din shows no signs of slowing down. How did the covert ever find themselves down here? You’re lost in your thoughts until you almost walk right into Din and you realize he’s stopped. You become concerned when he falls to his knees, worried that his injuries have worsened but stare in horror at what’s in front of him. A large pile of abandoned Mandalorian armor.

You hesitantly move closer to Din before putting your hand on his shoulder. “Din...”

“I can’t leave it like this.”

“I know, let us help you.” He finds your hand on his shoulder and gives it a squeeze. He turns his head towards Karga.

“Did you know about this? Was this the work of your bounty hunters?” Din spat, and you’ve never heard him so spiteful.

“No. When you left the system and took the prize, the fighting ended and the hunters melted away. You know how it is. They’re mercenaries. They’re not zealots.” Din gets up abruptly and approaches the man.

“Did you do this? Did you?!” He all but yells, pointing a finger at his chest.

“It was not his fault.” A modulated female voice comes out of nowhere and everyone turns to face her. “We revealed ourselves. We knew what could happen if we left the covert. The Imperials arrived shortly thereafter. This,” she says, her arm outstretched to the armor, “is what resulted.”

“Did any survive?”

“I hope so. Some may have escaped off-world.”

“Come with us.”

“No. I will not abandon this place until I have salvaged what remains.” The Armorer places one last helmet on her cart before pushing it away. Din looks towards you before following her. You hesitantly make your way forwards further into the tunnels.

You watch as the Armorer puts a piece of armor in the forge, never having seen anything like it.

“Show me the one whose safety deemed such destruction.” IG steps forward, showing the Child to her.

“This is the one.” You move away from Din, releasing his hand, which the Armorer did not fail to miss. You make your way to IG and the Child, patting his head affectionately.

“This is the one you hunted, then saved?”

“Yes. The one that saved me as well.”

“From the mudhorn.”

“Yes.”

“It looks helpless.” The Child coos but you decide to keep quiet, allowing Din to speak.

“He is injured, but he is not helpless. His species can move objects with their minds, however...” he stops and looks over to you as if asking for your permission. You nod allowing him to share your secret. “However, she seems to exhibit some signs of that as well.”

The Armorer nods in acknowledgement before ladling some of the liquid metal from the forge. “I know of such things. The songs of eons past tell of battles between Mandalore The Great, and an order of sorcerers called Jedi that fought with such powers.”

“These people are enemies?” Din asks, alarmed. He knows you and the Child are not, but if he were to find the Child’s species, he needed to know if they were hostile.

“These two are not.”

“What is he?”

“He is a foundling. By Creed, he is in your care.”

“You wish me to train him?”

“He is too weak. He would die. You have no choice, you must reunite him with his own kind.”

“Where?”

“This you must determine.” The Armorer pours the metal into a mold, but you are unable to determine what it is. If Din is to find the Child’s kind, you could be searching planets for years.

“You expect me to search the galaxy for the home of this creature and deliver him to a race of enemy sorcerers?” The Armorer looks up at him.

“This is the way.” She says before she begins her work, hammering away and effectively ending their conversation for the moment.

“Hey,” Cara says stepping forward. “These tunnels will be lousy with imps in a matter of minutes. I think we should at least discuss an escape plan.”

“If you follow the descending tunnel it will lead you to the underground river. If flows downstream towards the lava flats.”

“I think we should go,” Karga says.

“I’m staying,” Din replies. “I need to help her and I need to heal.” Before you can argue the Armorer responds.

“You must go, a foundling is in your care. By creed, until he becomes of age or is reunited with his own kind, you are as his father.” You look to Din, your eyes betraying your emotions. You are so proud of him, knowing how much this means to him, and you swear to protect him and the child with your own life. “This is the way.” Din can only nod at her, unable to find his own words. The Armorer walks towards him and places something on his pauldron. “You have earned your signet.” She says, attaching it to his armor. “You are a clan of two.” When she moves, you see a symbol of a Mudhorn and smile as you remember the story Din told you about the Child. It is a very fitting symbol.

“Thank you. I will wear it with honor.”

“IG, please scout the area for enemies. The rest of you, please refill your supplies and restock your munitions.” The droid follows her orders, but before he leaves he gives the child back to you.

“I will return shorty, Miss. Please watch the Child while I am away.” He says, not waiting for a reply before walking into into the hallway. You fix the Child in your arms before walking around the armory, seeing what you can salvage.

“Have you trained in the art of the Rising Phoenix?”

“When I was a boy, yes.”

“Then this will make you complete.” She shows him his jet pack.

“Thank you.”

“When you have healed, you will begin your drills. Until you know it, it will not listen to your commands. I will have IG hold it for you for now.” Din nods in agreement. He notices the Armorer’s gaze and follows it to you and the Child gathering supplies.

“You two are close,” she speculates.

“Yes.”

“How close?”

“I’ve never wanted to take my helmet off more than when I’m with her.”

“Why don’t you then?”

“I owe the Mandalorians my life. I cannot give up the creed.”

“She’s never asked?”

“…Just once. Earlier, in an attempt to save my life. But I refused and she didn’t pursue it. She knows how much I respect the Creed. She’s never pried or begged. She’s allowed me my space and respects that I cannot give more than I have already. I believe she’s my soulmate,” he responds truthfully and sadly. You never once tried to push his boundaries but have always been there when he needs you. However, he fears that one day it won’t be enough for you.

The Armorer assesses the man before her. Even under the helmet, her gaze is piercing, calculating. Din shifts slightly, he can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable. She is silent for a moment before turning her attention back to you and the Child. She has seen the way you and Din protect each other. She has seen the determination and fierce protectiveness in your eyes as she spoke to Din about being a father to the Child. Never once did you argue for more importance. She knows how much Din is giving up, continuing to uphold the Creed. However, she has never seen someone who isn’t Mandalorian respect the Creed just as much as you have.

“Do you want to know the hardest thing about having a soulmate?” The Armorer starts. “It’s not the separation in the beginning, not the endless nights lying awake, hoping and praying that someone was made for you. It’s…it’s the love. It’s too strong, and you can’t fight it.”

Din is surprised, he never would have expected such words to come from the Armorer. But then, he realizes, that the isolation is the same for every Mandalorian. Living a life underneath all the armor was as lonesome for him as it was for her, and the desire for acceptance and love must be the same for all of them.

“I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried to fight it…but I’m always going to love her.”

“Does she know that?”

“I’ve told her once, before I told her to escape with the child before the troopers came after them.”

The Armorer presses something into Din’s hand. “I misspoke earlier. You are a clan of three. I realize now the importance of those two to you. I hope you know what that means.”

Din looks down to his hand. Another mudhorn signet attached to a simple chain. “I…yes. I know.”

The Armorer gives him a small nod. “Good. Now go. I will hold them off for as long as I can. Protect your clan; protect your family.”

“Thank you.” Din tucks the signet safely away as he makes his way towards his clan, vowing to himself to keep them safe. Blaster shots ring out in the hallway and you all turn in alarm. Din places himself in front of you and the Child, but relaxes slightly when he sees that it is IG returning.

“You are protected.”

“More will come. You must go.”

“Are you sure you won’t come with us?” Din asks. The Armorer has always felt like a surrogate mother to Din, and leaving her behind seemed wrong.

“My place is here. IG, carry this for Din Djarin until he is well enough to wear it.” She hands the pack to the droid. “Now, go. Down to the river and across the plains.” You, Din and the child linger back for a moment as the rest of your group moves through the tunnels once again.

“Stay safe on your journey.” She says before looking towards you. “You, especially. I have a feeling you are what holds these two together.” You look at her, curious at her words but know that now is not the time to get too carried away.

“Thank you.” You, the Child and Din leave the armory and catch up to the rest of your group. The future lay uncertain but for now, you’re together. And for always, you are family.

——————

Tag list:

@momc95 @electricprincess888 @maia-hocane @lamnothome @highonsoundwaves @tedpicklez @renreypoe @mabelleen @cryptkeepersoul @holamor @mando-vibes @lustriix @katialvi @spookyold-saintjm @sarcasm-n-insomnia @awesomefandomsunited @sentimental-ghost

[zhydoesart]

This Hole I Can’t Fill

Summary: Patton thinks something’s wrong with him, but he doesn’t know what. His emotions don’t make sense.

Warnings: depression ig, minor panic attack, some swearing

Ships: platonic DLAMPT

AO3

A/N: So, depression’s been a real b*tch today, and I dunno how I feel anymore,  not when it keeps messing with my head and my feelings. I wrote something to vent, so here’s Patton angst ig.

Patton had always found smiles to be the most effective way to lie. After all, he'd been using that method for years and the other sides suspected nothing. Roman was always hopping from one idea to the next, whatever struck his fancy, which tended to keep him busy. Virgil had a lot of work to do as Thomas' Anxiety, so he rarely got a break as it was. And Logan spent most of the time whenever emotions were brought up in a conversation to remind them all that he possessed none, so it wasn't surprising that he hadn't cottoned on, despite his intelligence and attention to detail.

Meanwhile, Patton did whatever he could to try to fill the aching hole in his chest, but to no avail. Nothing worked; if anything, it just hollowed him out a little bit more.

After all these years, Patton was almost as accomplished an actor as Roman. He'd hid his true feelings for so long that the false smile he employed to aid him seemed so easy, so simple to slip behind. The mask almost felt natural.

This sensation of deep longing he felt only grew as days and weeks and months and years passed, and slowly chipped away at his resolve. Patton was strong, he had to be, to hide it for so long, but even the strongest stones break if you chip away enough.

What was Patton longing for? He wasn't entirely sure, if he was being honest, but he suspected it was a longing for belonging, if you'll excuse his wordplay.

He was supposed to be the happy side, the one who always saw the glass half-full, the one who was endlessly optimistic. More often than not, however, that just wasn't how he felt. He had to be the happy one, though, because if he wasn't, who was? He didn't want to drag Thomas or the others down like that, so instead he pretended. He knew they wouldn't accept him so unconditionally if they knew how he really was, deep down inside.

Pretended that, for the longest time, everything was alright. That Patton was alright, when that often couldn't be farther from the truth. He didn't want them to worry, so he lied.

He didn't know what had happened this time. What had started out as a nice idea for a video had turned into an all-out screaming match for all of the participants except Patton and Thomas himself. Patton shrank back, away from the shouting and away from the anger, wrapping his arms tightly around himself in an effort to protect himself. His vision tunneled, and his breathing, his breathing, Patton couldn't breathe. He'd long since given up trying to break up the argument, and in fact, he didn't even know what they were arguing about anymore. He couldn't make out just a single voice among all of the yelling.

Unnoticed by him, a single tear had rolled down Patton's cheek, and someone had stopped arguing long enough to see. Roman was astonished that Patton was crying, and immediately jumped in between Virgil and Deceit, who'd been threatening to cause bodily harm to one another since the beginning of this debacle of a recording session. Logan, following his gaze to Patton, saw what he was trying to do and restrained Virgil, while Roman wrapped his arms around Deceit in an attempt to get them to stop and to listen.

Eventually the two sides calmed, and Patton found it easier to breathe again, but once one tear escaped—once one crack formed in the dam—the whole thing came crashing down, and Patton's tears began to flood out in buckets and he fell to the floor.

Roman, biting his lip, took a tentative step closer to him. "Patton?" he asked, voice soft. "I'm sorry for all that, if- if that's what upset you."

Patton sniffled, trying to hold in his sobs long enough to speak. "No, no, R-Roman, that's not all it is, b-but thanks." He wiped frantically at his eyes with the sleeves of his cat hoodie, trying desperately to stop the tears.

"Do you… wanna talk about it?" Virgil slid down the wall to sit next to Patton a respectful distance of a foot or two away to give him some space.

"I just…" Patton smiled sadly. "I don't know, I'm just rarely happy anymore, and I'm supposed to be happy, I'm your happy pappy Patton, but something's wrong. I can't do this anymore, I can't pretend. I've been lying for too long."

"What do you mean, something's wrong?" inquired Logan, a slight edge in his voice that typically characterized worry in the logical side.

"I feel broken, like my emotions aren't working right." Patton played with the strings of his hoodie as an excuse to avoid looking at the other sides. "I feel sad for no reason, all the time, and I can't understand why." His voice shook. "I just want to get better. I don't want to be damaged forever. It's like a piece of me is gone, it's missing."

The others were at a loss. What does one say after such a confession? Logan looked thoughtful. Deceit's eyes were wide, and Thomas' mouth hung open.

"I knew if I told you guys how I was really feeling, you wouldn't accept me anymore," Patton chuckled dryly. "They say you don't know what you're missing, but I know that I do know, that it only makes me want it even more."

"Bullshit!" someone yelled, and Patton jumped, startled. It wasn't Roman yelling, or even Deceit, but Logan.

His usually stoic face was flushed, and his fists were clenched. He gazed at Patton, and the look in his gray eyes was uncharacteristically emotional.

"You don't really believe that," he uttered disbelievingly. Patton just looked at him, confused. "You don't believe that we wouldn't accept you, because that's bullshit. And I know, language and all that, but I'm fairly certain Roman over there said worse today." He knelt in front of Patton, taking the moral side's hands in his own. "I know I'm not the one to make emotionally charged speeches, but no one else looked as though they were going to say something.

"You can't believe that we wouldn't accept you," he continued, "because… you accepted all of us, flaws and all. You accepted me, despite my stubborn nature and typical lack of emotions."

"You accepted me," piped up Virgil. "Even when the others didn't. You were the only one who tried to be nice to me right away."

"And me." Roman smiled, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I know I'm hard to deal with. Loud and impulsive and stubborn too. But you showed me it was okay to not have to be strong all the time, and there'll be times when I can't be string, but you guys will be there for me."

That hit Patton close to home. The tears had slowed in their descent down his face, and Logan squeezed his hands gently.

Deceit, who hadn't spoken a word since the argument had stopped, suddenly spoke. "I'm the literal embodiment of Deceit. Once we got past our differences, you accepted me into your little famILY with open arms, and that meant a lot."

Patton sniffled again, filled with appreciation for his friends. It didn't quite fill the hole in his chest, but it did help the emptiness shrink. He wiped away more of the lingering tear tracks left behind once he'd stopped crying, and smiled, the first real smile he'd felt in months. His fears were greatly lessened, and the other sides were all relieved at the genuine smile on Patton's face.

"I love you guys!" Patton threw his arms around Logan, simply because the man happened to be within reach, and Logan stiffened for a brief moment before returning the hug, smiling the happiest smile they'd seen from Logan.

Virgil chuckled at Patton's enthusiasm, mostly just happy that their friend was okay.

"You're not broken," said someone else, and Patton glanced over to Thomas. "Not permanently, at least. And I can't promise that we'll be able to help whenever you need it, but I can promise that we'll do our best to help in whatever ways we can. We'll help you along until you can heal, and even then we'll stay with you."

And Patton was the happiest he'd been in months, surrounded by his friends, no, his famILY, who loved him despite all of his flaws—and he loved them, with all of his heart.

-----

general taglist:

@moxiety-my-love

[tgttos]

Nooo cuz im still on this. everybody drawing c!wilbur parallels fixed me for realll c!quackity is so genius and im so excited abt him now and im sooo mad I didn’t see it before!!!! essay-shaped rambling under the cut cuz i got too into it oops 😭

i think a lot abt the cycle of violence on the dsmp. like theres a couple awful people (c!dream and c!schlatt) who hurt ppl with no clear motivation (though ig we dont know what happens offscreen), and then the ppl THEY hurt are shaped by that and get jaded and hurt people themselves. e.g c!wilbur blew up l’manberg Because of his trauma from the war, and c!niki participated in doomsday Because of her lasting feelings from that. its something thats had an effect on pretty much every character and i could talk about all of that individually, but c!quackity is INTERESTING in a way i just didn’t get before his recent lore stream!!!!

He got hurt and hurt people cause of it, but he HELD ONTO HIS NATURE. he can teach c!charlie what he learned all he wants- don’t trust anyone, seek successful revenge, but at the end of the day he’ll still jump into lava after him every single time!!!!! He can spread sand over a taiga, but it still snows.

And yet he participated in the cycle!!! and it comes around to bite him in the end!!! c!schlatt hurt c!quackity who hurt c!purpled who TRIED to punch up to c!quackity but ended up hurting c!charlie anyways, which DID hurt c!quackity but in a way that only involves MORE PEOPLE in the cycle.

its recursive, and terrible, and there’s no getting out of it without healing- healing that isn’t presently easy to do because of still ongoing conflicts- and thats what makes c!charlies death PARTICULARLY tragic for c!quackity!!!!!!!he WAS healing!!!!!!!!!!! With c!charlie he was re-learning to trust and he had a true friend for the first time in god knows how long and it was all taken away by someone he’d hurt directly!!! And from here there are two paths he could take. he could, again, get colder, harsher, think he’s proven right. Or, the way he’s going at present- he carries on c!charlie’s legacy. He opens up las nevadas and pledges to help c!tommy and finally, FINALLY we have real progress. we have someone breaking out of the cycle!!!! and thats fucking HUGE

ive always kind of wanted the final dream smp season to focus on healing. these characters have been through too much tragedy for me to feel satisfied with them all ending the series lonely and angry and hurt and worse. and not EVERYONE has to end up happy, i actually prefer a bittersweet ending, and i dont just want things going back to 100% how they were before, because, yk, i like things to have narriative impact. but c!quackitys recent lore & the progress hes making is giving me a LOT of hope for how things could end up, at the very least for him :D

bonus, because i always have to tie everything back to c!wilbur: this all makes the c!tntduo dynamic SOOOO much more interesting going forwards. before i was convinced theyre destructive for eachother, and c!wilbur would inevitably have to give up his rivalry with c!quackity to move forward in his healing arc (which YES im still convinced is going to and needs to happen), and move on to people who actually CARE about him instead of anyone who’ll tell him off for asking about the time of day, but now i think c!quackity could actually be a turning point for his healing now, or at least help him get there?? they were friends once!! before everything fucked them up!! and now I think theyre still friends deep down somewhere but with this fucked up rivalry overlayed on top, and i think a healing c!quackity peeling that back and expressing genuine friendship to c!wilbur, or hell, maybe even leaving HIM so HE can heal could be enough of a jolt to start c!wilbur on the right path

idk food for thought i guess!! just how im feeling on his character atm.Politely yell at me if U know more about c!quackity than i do and u think i got anything blatantly wrong here ^-^

feeling Much more cquackity sympathetic after this one TBH.....!!unsure if its Cuz of the stream or i just had character devslopment during lore semihiatus and didnt notice.People on my dash making points also, i see Ur visions now!!!🌟